Meet my Kids: Kara

KARA MAKENSIE, AGE 11

Despite my declaration  of never giving birth again, I placed the negative parts of Kylie's labor into a far corner of my mind, and Kara rewarded me for my bravery by giving me a quick, easy labor. This time I was able to experience the joy of childbirth without the haze of pain. Growing up with two brothers, I had always wanted a sister, and I was thrilled that Kylie would enjoy what I didn't. Little did I know that the "enjoyment" part of having a sister often doesn't occur until adulthood. Kylie and Kara are like oil and water, alike enough to be constantly competing and different enough to be constantly on each other's nerves.

Where Kylie was a difficult baby, Kara was easy. She slept all the time and rarely cried. A bout of jaundice put her in the hospital for a week and a half when she was a couple of weeks old. I spent days and nights there with her. While there, she developed a high fever and infection that required a bone-marrow draw on her tiny little body, and I cried the first of what would be many tears to come over her.

When Kara was 10 months old, we began noticing that she had some abnormal behaviors. For example, we might say "I like your doll," and she would fling herself back and bang her head on the floor. As she entered toddlerhood, she never had tantrums for typical things like being told "no." There was no rhyme or reason to what seemed to upset her. A smile, a compliment, a frown, a gesture, a question.......all could elicit anger and physical reactions. Though she had a great vocabulary and was very smart, she seemed to lack an understanding of meanings or feelings behind words. Any form of physical affection was refused....she would often flinch if we touched her. She only spoke to immediate family members, did not interact with other children, and could become extremely aggressive when she lost control.  She had never said "I love you."

At age 3 she was screened at Doernbecher, where she was found to have symptoms of both Asperger's Syndrome and Autism, but not enough of either one entirely to fall into one or the other category. So we received a diagnosis of Regulatory Disorder.....and we were told it would only get worse.  Despite therapy that had no effect on her at all, this disease of the mind  continued to hold our family hostage.  Our daughter's mind and spirit were locked up somewhere and we didn't have the key.  The utter helplessness of not being able to communicate or express love to my child was worse than any physical disability I could imagine.  I spent many nights in tears crying out to God by her bedside while she slept.  The impossibility of the situation led to a despair that made it difficult to even get out of bed to face another day of emotional and physical exhaustion. 

One night before bed, my husband and I put to words the thought that our dream of adopting a child would have to be put to rest.  Taking care of Kara would be a full-time job, and we knew adding another child into our already emotionally charged situation would be both unwise and unfair.  We had to tell our decision to the adoption agency the next day.  And so we prayed a prayer that night that went something like this:  "Dear God, we don't know why you placed such a strong desire in our hearts to adopt, only to lead us to this place where it has become clear we cannot.  Please do one of two things:  heal our daughter, or heal our hearts of the pain in knowing we can't fulfill our desire. "  We had used up all our reserves of hope, and so fell asleep under a cloud of defeat.

But never underestimate my Jesus.

The next morning I woke up to the sound of my door opening, and four and a half year old Kara walking over to my bedside.  She climbed up on the bed, gave me a hug, and for the first time in her life said, "I love you Mommy."  I knew in that instant she had been healed.  It was as God had taken a key and unlocked the door to her mind and spirit, and the real child inside was set free.  Every single major symptom disappeared in that moment.  A miracle.  Our miracle.

Anyone who has known Kara from Kindergarten on would never know she had such a difficult early start.  We believe she was healed completely, despite a few minor setbacks over the last year that led to a diagnosis of OCD, which once again held our family hostage for a several months until treatment began.  But God has remained faithful.  Though her OCD kept her in such fear that she couldn't leave the house at one point, she is a fighter, and daily pushes through the fog of worry that sometimes envelops her.  From where she was a year ago to where she is today is like night and day.  And the child who once flinched when I touched her?  She can't go to bed without a hug every night.  And that's the grace of God in action.  She's my second-born daughter who I love with all my heart.

She's proud to be called a Christian.

She's a beautiful singer.

She's an amazing big sister.

She's a compassionate soul.

She's a miracle of God.