I buried a fish today. Do you remember that episode of The Cosby Show where Rudy's fish dies and they hold a funeral and it's all cute and amusing? Well, that's what I pictured when Kara's goldfish passed away and she requested a backyard burial. But the Cosby's we are not, so it played out a little differently.
Romeo and Juliet are two goldfish that were acquired by Kara at our church's Halloween Trunk or Treat. They were rescued from a church member who thought it would be amusing if he dressed up like the biblical Jonah and swallowed live goldfish in front of innocent trick-or-treating children who thought the worst thing they might see that night would be a ghost or perhaps a goblin. Kara could not save them all, but she saved two, and promptly named them Romeo and Juliet. They were placed in a fish tank along with Kelsea's similarly rescued fish, Rose.
Juliet was listless from day one. She had literally been snatched from the jaws of death, after all. And she must have felt slightly disappointed with her new situation. For 11 days she sat in water that increasingly grew foggy as the colorful gravel and cute little rock hideaway sat unused but just within view outside of her tank, while her new human family argued over who had the most time in their schedule to fix up her new habitat. In the meantime, a three year old boy would periodically drag a chair over to the counter, climb up, and terrorize her by banging on the tank walls and dropping small items through the food door that in no way resembled food. And then there was Rose....swimming happily around with Romeo while Juliet was left on the sidelines.
So Juliet refused to eat. Or swim. She simply floated....merely existing....watching Rose and Romeo cavorting together, apparently apathetic to her condition.
And so it was, that, in a sad twist of fate, Juliet took her own life. I found her belly up on a Wednesday afternoon. I broke the news to Kara, and then returned to the kitchen to find something strange happening in the tank. I made a call to Roger: "Honey, are the fish just bumping into Juliet to see if she's alive, or could they possibly be eating her?" "Oh no....they wouldn't eat her," he replied. "Not unless they were starving." Hmmmm.
Cut to 20 minutes later. Either these fish are really stupid and are still trying to resuscitate Juliet, or they are in fact snacking on her. Kara, naturally upset after seeing Juliet being turned into sushi by her friends, starts yelling, "Get her out!! Get her out!!" So I remove her into a tiny bowl to sit and await her burial. A tragic love story, yes....but also reminiscent of a disturbing "Wild Kingdom" episode.
When Roger arrived home from work, Kara insisted that we immediately put on black clothing for a fish funeral. Luckily, I was already in a black sweatsuit. Roger refused to wear his black suit, as requested, but left on his black socks. Kelsea, being the compassionate child that she is, quickly changed into her black Tinkerbell shirt (worn backwards, of course, for solemnity's sake). Kylie, of course, did not comply with the "stupid" dress code. And Kian was placed in a black tank top and shorts by Kara even though it was 45 degrees outside.
As acting funeral director, Kara quickly became frustrated at her inability to get all 6 family members to the burial ground at the same time, but irritability really set in when Roger decided to do the dishes when he was supposed to be acting as chaplain. Finally, we all made it to the shallow gravesite. Kara, who had masterminded the whole thing, stood at least 100 feet away from us as she did not want to see Juliet in her present condition. Still, she was close enough to hear as Roger began his eulogy: "We are gathered here tonight to mourn the loss of a special fish. He brought us ("DAD - It's a SHE!")....um, SHE brought us lots of joy in the 2 short weeks she spent in with us. We now place what remains of her after her cheating boyfriend and his new lover cannibalized her into the ground." Kara, disgruntled, says, "You're just making a joke out of it!" To which the rest of the family responds, "Hey...we're out here in the freezing cold to support you and your loss!" And then I notice Kian shaking in the arctic breeze, and say, "Who dressed Kian for a funeral in the Bahamas?!" And then Kylie says, "I'm outta here!" Kara retreats to her room. Roger throws the fish in the ground and unceremoniously tosses some dirt on top.
And there you have it. The Kadey family version of a fish funeral. A story of family disfunction, much like history's Romeo and Juliet.
May she rest in peace.
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