I am so fed up with hearing or reading comments in newspapers, magazines, and television that go something like this: "Why don't you just adopt kids from our own country?" "I guess Asian babies are the new fashion accessory." "Why buy a baby from another country when foster adoption is less expensive?" "It's a new celebrity trend to adopt babies." And this one from a response to an article on CNN's website takes the cake: "You got what you deserved. There are children here that need adopting. Why people from this country go to China, Russia and other places to get their rejects is beyond me!" Are people really this stupid?
Let me respond to these statements.
1. You should adopt from your own country
There are many, many children in America who need families. And had God led me to adopt one of them, I would have. However, from the moment I began thinking of adoption over a decade ago, the face of a daughter from China was the only face I saw. With my second adoption, I fell in love with the child before I even knew what country he was from. There are 118,000 children available for adoption through the U.S., foster system. While each of these children deserve a family, so do the 61 million orphans in Asia and the 39 million orphans in Africa. In America, there is a waiting list for Caucasian newborn babies that can be several years long. Even when a birthmother chooses you, there is always a chance she may change her mind. I admire those who have the strength to deal with this possibility, and also those who are able to accept the open adoptions that most birthmothers choose. I have the greatest respect for those who adopt through the foster system. These children, mostly over the age of 5, are desperately in need of a stable family. I'm inspired by those who have the emotional strength to handle the issues that many of these children carry from their scarred childhood. We, however, chose instead to give a home to a child of another country....for no other reason than the fact that we knew that these children would not be adopted any other way.
In China, there are thousands of baby girls being abandoned each year by parents who are cultuarally taught to prefer a boy because a son is the only source of provision for them in old age. They are also legally bound. If the first child is a boy, their family is complete. If the first child is a girl, they are allowed only one more chance for a boy. If the second child is born a girl, she is either killed at birth or left for the orphanage to care for, so the family may continue trying for a boy. Otherwise they can be fined a year's wages or face jail time. Do you really think that the Chinese are knocking on the doors of the orphanage begging to adopt these little girls who have been abandoned? Because they are not from America, does that mean they deserve to grow up without a family?
In the Philippines, the poverty level is astounding. The children who are in Philippine orphanages are there by and large because their parents simply can't provide for them. Though there are some well-off Filipinos who choose to adopt, the majority of the people are too poor to even care for the children they have. There is no waiting list here for adoptive families like there is in America.
Every child deserves a home. Not just those who are "American Made." And to judge others for fulfilling the desire God placed in their heart to adopt from another country is reprehensible. Especially when the people making these comments have not adopted themselves.
2. Asian babies are just a fashion accessory
My children are different from a Louis Vuitton handbag in several ways. First, they require food, clothing, and shelter to survive. These are all things that we provide them with. They require a lifetime of love, care, education, and support. A handbag pretty much just sits there holding your makeup and car keys and looks good. It doesn't wake you up at night with bad dreams, it doesn't have homework it needs help with, it doesn't need attention when it is sick, it doesn't bring you joy/worry/laughter/tears. Why in the world anyone would compare a child with a fashion accessory is beyond me. I'm assuming they have no children of their own and have no idea what it means to raise a child. We did not "pick out a child" as someone might pick out a new purse. We did not choose to adopt an Asian child for the attention we would receive. Frankly, I have to remind myself that my children are of a different race. They are ours as completely and totally as our biological children....so much so that I am often surprised when I hear someone mention they are Asian. Asian? Oh.....yeah.....I guess they are.
3. Buying a baby from another country is more expensive than domestic adoption
Well, first of all, we did not "buy" our children. We did, however, pay the adoption agency for their help with all the paperwork and red tape. And we did pay both the Chinese orphanage and the Philippine Adoption Board fees that helped pay for the care they gave our children for the first 3 years of their life (considering Kian was a micro-preemie and was in the hospital for three months, and then required ongoing medical care, I'm thinking we got the better end of the deal). We also paid the airfare and hotel fees involved in the great privilege of getting to meet our children in the country of their birth, and share in a piece of their culture. As for the cost of domestic adoption, it is about the same as for international adoption, unless you go through the foster system. For us, the money part was something we left up to God. He led us to these children, and money or no money, He was going to make sure they were ours.
4. It's a celebrity trend to adopt foreign babies
I do occasionally read People magazine, but I assure you it had no impact on my choice to adopt. I don't know why so many celebrities seem to be adopting internationally. But my response is...."Hurray for them!" Of course, being a Christian, it's my desire that orphans end up with those who will raise them to know and love Jesus. But if Christians aren't stepping up to adopt the millions of orphans, then we really have no right to complain. Trend or no trend, these children need homes. To assume that those who adopt internationally are trying to get on the celebrity bandwagon is absurd. If I wanted to follow a celebrity trend, I'd buy a dress or copy a hairstyle. It's a lot easier than raising a child.
5. Children who are adopted from orphanages are rejects
This doesn't really even deserve a response. But I'll do it anyway. You, my friend, were lucky to be born into a "wealthy" nation. There is a reason you hear those stories on the news about babies being left at the hospital or in a trash can. It's because it is so rare. It makes news because it rarely happens in our country. In other countries, it is so commonplace it never makes the news. Your parents were free to choose how many children they wanted to have regardless of their gender. Your parents had money to buy you formula and diapers, and if they didn't, there were places that provided it to them. Most of the children in orphanages were placed there because their parents chose to give them life despite the easy choice of aborting them....because they wanted something better for them than they could provide.....because they loved them. It's true that some may have been given up because they had a special need or because they were not a boy. But I believe that most of these "rejections" are based on ignorance and a cultural belief that has been ingrained in them since birth. Yes, there may be some who were given up by choice rather than desperation, but here's the catch: none were rejected by God. Every single child is here on this earth for a reason. They are a unique, perfect miracle of God. They may have a cleft lip, Down Syndrome, Attachment Disorder, Autism, or hearing impairment. I'm assuming, since you call these children "rejects" that you have not had the great privilege of getting to know a child with special needs, or been connected to the blessing of adoption in any way. I feel sorry for you.
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