Family News *Monday*

THE KADEY NEWS WEEKLY

HEADLINE NEWS
CAST REMOVAL BRINGS PARTIAL RELIEF
This afternoon, Erin had her cast removed. Our reporter was denied a photo opportunity by the patient. Apparently she was not amused by his offer of a hairbrush after seeing what her leg looked like after almost four weeks under cover. Expecting to finally be able to walk again, she had brought a shopping list along with her and hoped for a long-overdue visit to Target. Following that, she planned to lock her children outside and spend every waking moment of the next week getting her house back in order. She had heard her doctor say something previously about "rehabilitation", but assumed that meant stretching exercises or perhaps a nice daily dip in her parents' hot tub. Imagine her surprise when she was told that she would be on crutches for another three weeks. She is to put 25% of her weight on the foot for one week, 50% for the second week, 75% for the third week, and 100% on the fourth week. In order to determine what it feels like to put each percentage of weight on her foot, her doctor suggested she put one foot on the scale and press down until it reached 25% of her total weight, and then try to remember that feeling as she walks around. As this is next to impossible, she has instead decided to just pretend she is a stick-thin supermodel and walk around accordingly. Much easier and more fun.

POLICE BLOTTER
VANDALISM
On the afternoon of August 15th, the Kadey family found the entire contents of five bottles of paint emptied into and smeared all over their bathtub. It appears that the suspect also took the time to fingerpaint his name on the wall, which made his capture and conviction less difficult. Kian Kadey was charged with one count of vandalism and one count of not being smart enough to not leave his name behind. He will face a punishment of cleaning up the paint, which his mother will then have to clean up anyway because we all know a five year old's cleaning skills pale in comparison to his destructive skills.

TRAVEL
The Kadey family's much anticipated and deferred trip to Mt. Hood has now been cancelled due to Erin's extended use of crutches and other circumstances beyond their control. The family had only one vacation planned for the summer, and the universe conspired against them in their attempt to make it happen. Their initial cabin reservations were changed following an order from Roger's company that he attend a mandatory conference with only two weeks notice and too bad if it was summer and they had reservations somewhere. A second reservation fell through because the owner neglected to tell the family (or note anywhere on his website, we might add) that pets were not allowed. A third reservation was cancelled due to Erin's broken leg. A final attempt at "please God let us get out of this house sometime this summer" was undertaken and planned for the week following Erin's cast removal. Reservations were made, but when the family called to double-check (they were a little gun-shy at this point), they were told, "We're sorry, but the people who were renting the week before you decided to extend their stay. Guess we forgot to call and let you know." The family would like to warn you to stay away from Mt. Hood for the rest of the summer as they are certain there is a blessed reason behind their thwarted vacation....such as a deadly unexpected volcanic eruption.