My first blog post. I feel compelled to make it extraordinary, but I don't want to set up false expectations for future postings. Seeing as how on most days I feel like my head is barely above water, it seems like a good idea not to set the bar too high.
After a year of homeschooling 2 kids while caring for a 3 year old who has the energy of a road runner, I am finally being gifted with 12 precious hours a week to myself . All three girls started back at school yesterday, and my three year old heads to preschool on Tuesday where he will spend four mornings a week. Although it would be more kind of me to say I am sad to have them away from home again, the truth is I am, well.....relieved. When I hear others complain of how much they will miss their kids when they head back to school, I tend to think two things: "What's wrong with me that I feel this way?" and "What's wrong with my kids that I feel this way?" And then I tell myself that not all of them have been home with their children for nearly 14 consecutive years.....that not all have changed 10 years worth of diapers.....that not all have children with special needs that require every ounce of mental energy you have. And I feel justified. But still guilty. In two more years my youngest will be in Kindergarten, and I will mark the first time in 16 years that I will have the house to myself. The light at the end of the tunnel. But it's my desire to find joy in the journey and not just the destination. It took 14 years to lose myself. Finding those parts of me I defined myself by before I became a mom will take some time. This blog is a start. And in reality, I'm better served to embrace the Light in the midst of the tunnel than the light at the end. Because despite my apparent impatience to move in fast forward, in two years time I will be the mom who cries herself through three boxes of tissues when I take that little boy to his first day of Kindergarten and go home to an empty house. Guaranteed.
No comments:
Post a Comment