God Never Blinks: Lesson 12

IT'S O.K. TO LET YOUR CHILDREN SEE YOU CRY.

Quotable Quote: "(Crying) lets them know they're allowed to feel life deeply and fully."

My children see me cry quite often. I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I'm sad. I cry without fail when I see or hear of a deserving person receiving a blessing (think Extreme Home Makeover). I cry when a song touches my heart. I cry over my childrens' accomplishments and struggles. My family is pretty much used to it.....in fact, they've stopped asking what I'm crying about. These days, it's usually just sheer exhaustion or frustration that fuels the tears.

Roger, however, is not a crier. Not many men are, in my experience. But I've only seen him cry a couple of times in 18 years (this does not include the misty eyes at the end of movies that touch his heart....like Pretty Woman. Apparently he has an unfulfilled dream of rescuing a prostitute and riding off into the sunset). The kids are always fascinated when they see their dad tear up during a t.v. show or movie. They respond to it like it's a freak show.....something that's not supposed to happen. Boys just aren't supposed to cry. At least not like girls do.

Kian is my only son. And he is a crier. For those of you who have only ever seen his happy smiling face, just spend an hour at our house and I guarantee he will cry at least once. He is a sensitive boy, who cries when you look at him wrong....and when he feels left out or left behind.....and when he gets caught doing something naughty (at least once every half hour). I find myself telling him to "cowboy up" often. Part of that is because I don't want him being beat up on the playground for crying every time he gets "out" in foursquare. The other part is, I just have the idea in my head of the ideal man being in control of his emotions. And I want my son to be strong, not weak. But being emotionally vulnerable should not equate to weakness. Being brave enough to be weak in the presence of others is actually a strength. It's just not always seen as such in our society.

So what to do? Well, for now I guess that means handing my sensitive son a kleenex and changing my response from "cowboy up!" to "it's o.k. for cowboys to cry, but then they need to blow their nose and get back up on the horse."