We've always been a frugal family. We cut coupons for groceries, we only ate out if we had a coupon, we bought store brands when possible. We didn't splurge on things we didn't need. We vacationed nearby and lodged at budget-friendly rentals. We paid our credit cards in full each month and used them only because we got money back for doing so. We bought a home below our means rather than above. Our cars were used, our clothes were bought on clearance, our electronics were refurbished. We did everything right. Until "The Property." Mention "The Property" in our house and you are guaranteed to wither under someone's icy glare. "The Property" is now known only as the "P" word.....relegated to the ranks of Kadey family words that must not be spoken - joining "stupid", "yuck" (in reference to food), "Why not?" and the whole repoirtoire of curse words.
Life is now divided into BP and AP. Before Property and After Property. What started out as a fabulous investment that would provide the means to build a new home, ended as a ball and chain we dragged behind us for years. Though we had success in the past with buying and selling acreage, the downturn in the economy and the collapse of the real estate market in the months directly following this purchase made it a veritable white albatross. As we prayed month after month for buyers, it hovered over our heads and drained all our money until there was no way out. We had played the real estate investment odds, but this time we lost.
Though we are forced to short-sale our home, we still own the land, and pray that we will be able to recover something, anything, from our investment. No one is building homes in the current economy, and therefore no one is buying property to build on. But we're still hanging on to a thread of hope. In the meantime, we'll still have to make two payments, both for the house and the land.
When I told Roger that I had mentioned our bankruptcy on my blog, he was less than thrilled. Being in the banking industry, it doesn't build one's reputation too well. Although WE know that the bankruptcy is the result of a good investment but some really bad luck, others may conjecture that we perhaps racked up credit card debt or lived outside of our means. I've always believed that the best way to deal with assumptions is to tell the truth, regardless of how humbling it may be. When the "For Sale" sign goes up in our yard soon, and we move from our beautiful home into a rental, people are going to ask why. And I'm not going to stumble for a response or make up some less-than-believable reason. Despite the fact that foreclosures are happening all around us, and people just like us are being forced to make difficult decisions due to impossible circumstances, there is still a stigma attached to bankruptcy. It's hard not to feel like you've failed. And it's hard to hear people talk about how it's somehow "dishonest" not to pay what you owe. To this I say.....we have spent the last 20 years paying what we owe. We paid our college loans, our taxes, and our bills. We have paid for everything we own. We have lived frugally, honestly, and charitably. We held on as long as we could. There is a reason the government provided a way out with bankruptcy, and this is it.
We had a realtor come by the other day to look at the house. I had a few hour's notice. Roger told me he wouldn't be taking pictures. I know how that usually turns out. So I cleaned until I collapsed because the house was a disaster. Then the agent walked in the front door toting his camera and proceeded to take photos of every room for the online gallery. Did I mention I know how that usually turns out?
I know it may be many months before we have to leave, but I'm already mourning the loss of this place we've called home for six years. It's the longest I've EVER lived in one home. We lived in 17 houses before I left for college, and Roger and I apartment hopped, then rented, then built a house, then landed here. So I'm a little attached for the first time. I've watched the seasons roll around and the landscape in my yard change over and over. I've looked out my picture window at the tall firs and felt a sense of peace that comes from being a part of nature. I've sat on my back deck and listened to the wind blow through the branches, and watched the birds snack at my feeder. I've been blessed to live at an altitude where I get to witness the miracle of snow falling from the sky and blanketing the ground. I'm trying to remind myself that home is wherever your family is. That it's not a building or a landscape. But it is hard. This whole thing has been hard. On all of us. But we know that we are living out the story God has written for us. We wish we could fast-forward through the difficult passages, but then the happy ending wouldn't be quite as satisfying, would it? And that happy ending finds us in our eternal home, to which I'm sure this structure we're living in will not even begin to compare.
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