I decided to weigh myself this afternoon just to see how well I was doing and because I couldn't wait until Monday's weigh-in. Not a good idea. I wanted recognition from the scale for all of the good choices I made so far this week, and instead it mocked my expectations. Bleh. Now, we see if the numbers motivate me to make even better choices so I have something postive to report on Monday, or if they make me feel like I have in the past: "Forget simply making good choices, Erin....you are going to have to starve yourself in order to lose the weight that others can lose simply by just cutting back a little."
I get so frustrated when I read other weight loss blogs or hear success stories of others who used to weigh the same as I do now. They describe daily trips through fast food drive-throughs with supersized meals (I've never super-sized anything in my life). They describe foods dripping with butter or mayo (I've use fat-free butter spray for 10 years and hate mayo....my sandwiches have always been eaten plain). They describe eating an entire bag of cookies in one sitting (Nope. Never done it). They describe drinking copious amounts of regular soda (I never drink anything but diet. My milk? Skim....for 10+ years).
I watch the "before" stories of the folks on The Biggest Loser and think to myself, "Dang! They had a lot better time getting fat than I did!" And it really makes me angry. Because it messes with my head. I know I didn't get here by accident. But I also know that for as long as I can remember, I've eaten what I see other people eating, and even better in some ways, and still gained the weight. I didn't get here by regular binging or eating high fat foods every day. I didn't get here by pigging out at McDonalds. I know it wasn't just from eating ice cream once a week. So, why is it that I have to have it so much more difficult?
I was reading a weight-loss blog this morning, and the writer lost several pounds in one week by switching to low-fat cheese. Aaaagh! I've only ever eaten low-fat cheese. Seriously, much of the food-related advice on how to lose weight is stuff I've done forever anyway. Which scares me....because I really don't want to have to eat only grapefruit every day to reach my goal. I know that there are times I have larger servings than I should, and eat things that are high in calories, and I can only hope that by changing these habits it will be enough to start losing. What I don't like is the knowledge that for me it is going to be a very slow journey, compared to other overweight people who apparently can get to their goal quickly just by cutting out their daily Big Mac. As silly as it sounds, I get so upset by the injustice that others don't have the health issues that I do that make it hard to exercise. That others can eat the same things I do and not be affected at all. My motivation drowns in a sea of bitterness. And this is where it's gotten me.
Today's Food:
Breakfast: Package of instant grits made with water, one egg, two pieces of bacon
Snack: 1 piece of toast
Lunch: Baked potato with 2 T light sour cream and half a cucumber
Snack: 80 calorie frozen fruit bar
Dinner: 1 1/2 beef enchiladas made with low fat cheese and light sour cream, corn, baby carrots with 2 T. fat-free ranch dressing
Snack: Nothing
Inspirational/Humorous Quote of the Day:
"Hope is the feeling we have that the feeling we have is not permanent."
~Mignon McLaughlin
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