God Never Blinks: Lesson 1

LIFE ISN'T FAIR, BUT IT'S STILL GOOD

Quotable Quote: "(Frank) lives by two simple words: Get to. Instead of saying, "I have to go to work today," Frank tells himself, "I get to go to work." Instead of saying, "I have to get groceries," he gets to. Instead of saying, "I have to take the kids to baseball practice," he gets to. It works for everything."

The author, who developed breast cancer and lost her hair to chemo., wore a hat bearing the words "Life is Good" throughout her treatment and recovery. Then, she passed the hat on to woman after woman who also wore it to proclaim the message that life isn't fair, but it's still good.

As many of us can do, I look at my past and present and list many things that aren't fair. It wasn't fair that I was diagnosed with cancer at age 23, just after celebrating my one year wedding anniversary. It wasn't fair that my daughter developed severe emotional and behavioral issues that placed us on the roller coaster of Autism Spectrum Disorder for many years, and even now lands us and her in therapy once a week. It wasn't fair that after clear signs and even a miraculous answer to prayer, we lost a son that God had promised to us through adoption. It wasn't fair that years of back-to-back health issues that defied treatment fed my weight gain and continue to hinder my weight loss, and leave me struggling just to find energy to make it through each day. It wasn't fair that we purchased 10 acres of property when the housing market was doing well, and at the very moment we finished the paperwork, well-drilling, and other tasks to get it ready to sell, the economy entered a recession and people had no interest anymore in building new homes when their present ones were facing foreclosure.

In addition to the "biggies" of unfairness, it's incredibly easy to get caught up in the little frustrations of each day. It's not fair that I've now done 15 years of meal planning, 15 years of picking up messes not made by me, 15 years of laundry, and 15 years of grocery shopping. Every. Single. Week. And let's not forget the 10+ years of dealing with sibling rivalry, scheduling doctor and dentist visits, planning playdates and birthday parties, shuttling kids from one activity to another, making school lunches, 8 years of changing diapers, and countless hours of homework help.

You may argue, "How is all this unfair when you chose to be a stay-at-home mom?" And you would be right. It's not unfair. It just feels like it. A lot. Especially when my living room wall is missing the plaque that says, "In recognition of all 5,175 meals you put on the table each night for the last 15 years."

So the question is, "How can I make it not feel so unfair?" I think Lesson 1 hits the nail on the head. I am caught up in the "Life isn't fair" and not focusing on the "But it's still good." I live my day out as the opposite of Frank....a "have to" person instead of a "get to" person. So yesterday I decided to say "I get to...." for each activity I would have normally griped about. And it changed my attitude. I'm not going to say it worked for everything. When I was late to pick up my kids from school and idled behind a car going 28 mph in a 35 mph zone all the way over Columbia Heights, it did not work to say, "I get to..." It did, however, make me feel slightly better when I refrased it to "I get to drive behind a totally annoying, rude and clueless driver when I am late to pick up my kids." Whatever works, right? Also, I watched Oprah (I'm not a regular viewer, this episode just caught my eye), and it knocked me for a loop. It was about a couple who lost all three children at once in an auto accident. One minute they were sitting in the minivan in traffic, the next minute a semi plowed into them and they went from a family of five to a childless couple. Wow, does that put things into perspective.

So last night, I got to help my daughter with homework. I got to make a dinner for them that they all decided was "yucky." I got to put my kids to bed. And then I got to clean up the things they somehow forgot to pick up. And I said with all my heart, "Life is good."